Saturday, 29 September 2012

Yes, not happy had gained 3.5lb's

since my last weigh in 5 weeks ago - BUT 5 weeks ago I had gained 2lb's so all in all 5.5lb's on in around 7 weeks. Supposed to be a weight loss regime. Whoops. Anyway, feel a bit better for going and facing the music. WILL have a good week and I could - that is COULD lose that 5.5lb's in just one week - I have done it before. We shall see.

Not looking forward to a rejoin at Slimming World

DREAD to think what I have gained...............but having a shower, getting dressed and DRAGGING myself there kicking and screaming............wish I was still going with sons GF but she has given up, hope she gets inspired to tag along next week again. Fingers crossed.

Friday, 28 September 2012

been playing - doing a lot of 'bits n pieces' !

Just messing about with paper. Been printing off some images onto transparencies and backing it with mod podge and then loadsaglitter - Gillybling is back eh. I've also made some paper flowers from magazines - haven't come out as well as I wanted them to so they need some practice. Have been thinking about more Layouts - YES I really think my LO mojo has returned - nothing too elaborate for me though these days - just very basic stuff is all I want so pointless trying to do Layouts like other people - just doing what I like doing and feeling happier about it. Have been looking through old photo's too - feeling sad how quickly the years just fly by - this one of my DD is about 3 years old - even though she has her heavy specs on - (she now wears contacts nearly all the time) - I love this photo - it is so natural. Well - I decoupaged it and love the result.

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Up and Down, Up and down like a fiddlers elbow

my weight - doing my head in. I start back on SW do a good day and ruin it on the night. Or have a bad day and a good evening. Consequently I am up and down the same 3lb's every week. Doing my head in now. I really want to be back at 12 stone for Saturday when I rejoin SW - so that means losing 2lb's in 3 days - I know I can do it. AND I WILL. Will report back later. tee hee.

Sunday, 23 September 2012

my leg is so bad this weekend

I haven't done anything differently - just painful and tight and unable to walk up and down stairs one foot in front of the other - one foot at a time takes so long to get around the house - I have only 2 & half weeks left to get back to work - I am so worried I won't be able to go back.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Happier now

with thinking about helping myself to getting 'out of' the daily grudge. AND my DD & her BF are back together after just a 2.5 day split. I am happy that she is happy, but I hope he has grown a pair and proves that he loves her still and treats her to days out, taking her out and being there for her.

Friday, 21 September 2012

You know the 'lightbulb moments'

I've had that tonight ................ well I've had it quite often over the last few weeks. My leg isn't really improving much - still don't know what is wrong with it so need to get it sorted now as quickly as possible. WHICH will mean that I will have to return to work. I don't want to go back to the boring job that I do - but I need the monthly income. I am a successful fully qualified reflexologist and have let my treatments slip and slip and slip because 'firstly' the recession in 2008/2009 saw my business drop from 30 treatments a week to 20 treatments a week to 10 treatments a week and now I do between 10 and 15 treatments per month - IF THAT ! 'secondly' I had to return to a 'paid' job - so whilst I slave away for £7.90 or thereabouts per hour at the NHS in a job that I can quite honestly say I hate - WELL hate is a strong word, I wouldn't do it if I really hated it - but it's nothing like the lovely feeling I get doing reflexology, meeting new people, helping them to feel well etc. So tonight I have decided to advertise again, do my room up again - offer home treatments again - get new towels and new nice smelling lotions and new tunics for me to wear. Gill Birch Reflexology will be fighting back - it will be difficult initially whilst I'm building my business again............but I'm ONLY 56 - there is another 'at least' 9 years of holistic therapies in me. I LOVE reflexology, I LOVE doing reflexology, I LOVE helping people. I can do it - and so looking forward to it again & maybe in 12 months time I can quit the NHS job. Fingers & toes crossed.

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

another sad sad day

listening to your daughter crying and sobbing and sobbing and crying has very nearly broken my heart. I wish I could take away her pain. I went for my occy health appointment - doctor agrees with my GP for another 4 weeks off - but I don't think my leg will be better by then ????? Plus I really don't want to go back at all. Being off has reminded me how it was when I just used to work from home's been absolutely great - EXCEPT I have a bad leg. DREADING going back to work, but I know I have to. Love you Kozzie............I hope your heart is mended very soon.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

sad day

the inevitable happened. My DD's boyfriend finished with her - he didn't even have the courage to tell her face to face just changed his facebook profile to 'single' She is better off without him. What a shit.

Monday, 17 September 2012

My Project Life ..................

An album I have made to store ???? Project Life stuff - stuff about me & my family - little snippets of things we get up to (maybe) our work, our play etc. Don't suppose for one minute it will get finished ? BUT it's just for randomness stuff - nothing in particular. Doesn't matter if it takes 5 years to finish or just a month. the inner pages are the Project Life page protectors/segments from We are Memory Keepers, I bought them such a long time ago was going to sell them. Now Ihope to use them up.

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Another Layout - my mojo is back

my mojo for Layouts went away on holiday for around 18 months - probably more - but my mojo for ATC's and mini books - exploding boxes has recently depleated too - then I find myself wanting to do a couple of layouts - and lo and behold two layouts in about a week. Pleased., Still feeling low, but a little better after doing some scrapping.

bad leg - feeling down again

leg bad again when I woke up - really worried about work etc. another 4 weeks off - I really don't think I will cope with another 4 weeks off - feeling low and fed up - trouble is when you do have something wrong with you - you can't go out doing loadsofstuff................ah well...............keep on keeping on and hope that I am better soon.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

made it through today and it was a good day actually

weighed myself to find that i had infact lost 2lb's - and had a lovely afternoon out with my darling daughter - we went for a meal and chatted and although she is sad and upset with her BF (who may not be her BF - he needs space !!!!!!) it cheered us both up to spend some time together.

Real downer ............generally

Have overeaten and don't feel like going to SW - can't weigh myself as I know I have took me 7 weeks to lose 10lb's - reckon I've probably gained 3. Returning to SW next Saturday - will have a really good week back on plan. I hope. Leg - well it's still a problem. STILL do not know what is wrong with it - still no specialist appointment as Physio feels it's getting better. Went to doctors yesterday to be told have another month off ! I am hoping that it's enough. I enjoy being at home but when you have a bad leg you are limited to as to what you can do at home - have mixed feelings about going back - HAVE TO go back as I cannot afford to give up my job - very worried that my leg isn';t going to get any better than it is now - AND I won't be able to do my job. Worried that they'll not find me anything else and I'll lose my job entirely - would I ever get another job? I don't even know if I'm being paid for this time off - so worried about that too. Probably need to ring HR, but everything is feeling 'to difficult' to be bothered. DD's relationship seems to be on the rocks - he's too 'cowardly' to admit that he wants to split and keeps her hanging on - the shit (although I really liked this lad) is now saying he wants a break/space - for Gods sake - just put her out her misery - tell her what she already fears but is hanging on hoping that you really still want her. 'I love you Kozzy'. He has said 'you love me more than I love you' Shop isn't doing well. Hubbies job isn't doing too marvellously - but then none are any of the other salesmen. Life is seeming so hard. To cap it all - I got up today with the bad feelings I had the day I left my old house (I didn't want to leave that beautiful house) - recession forced us to sell-up. I am kinda happy here - but that overwhelming upset feeling I had the day I left my last house has been with me since I opened my eyes - even the smell in the air when I opened the doors this morning to let the cats out - our old house - the garden - the smell, the feeling all came flooding back. Yes I am on a real downer. Have said to DD we need to go out today and take the dog to the park, although I can't walk much at least he could have a bit of a run - then we could stop off maybe at morrisons for some lunch - do a bit of shopping like we used to before she got with her chap. I need to do something because I feel REAL DOWN. So unlike me - I usually can pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

A birthday card

for Keith - my BIL - I don't do cards really - not too hot on them, he loves F1 so thought I'd have a go.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Been a busy few days

and boy have I paid for it with my leg,,,,,,,haven't really gone mad, just done a few extra bits - my leg REALLY doesn't cope with any extra's ! So had a VERY relaxing day - resting leg - and crafting - (although every time I get up from my desk the leg is as bad as it was in the first few weeks) now driving me absolutely BLOODY mad. So ............... a couple of ATC's for purplebunny on UKS on my ATC trail which I host. Very quiet on there, might try and gee it up a bit. & a LO of my son's success on passing his driving test in just a couple of months and buying a car on the day he passed his test and getting out and about. I cannot express enough how glad this makes me feel. My son has suffered 'dreadfully' with M.E (chronic fatigue syndrome) for 9 years - isolation and severe depression - he is FINALLY starting to live his life. I am so proud.
Smart huh !
An actual Layout - I must be more relaxed.

Friday, 7 September 2012

whoo hoo - Keir passed his driving test

AND bought a car all in one day - then had to get money from the bank and sort his insurance - what a nightmare - BUT he'll be all sorted once we collect it tomorrow. I hope he enjoys his car, but above all I hope he's safe.

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Gotta stop spending !

I bought this
ONLY a tenner off ebay inc postage - HOWEVER, because it was an american fitting - I had to go buy a USA to UK adapter - £20 ! Still got my Pogo for around £30 - then papers £12 - Plus the label printer I bought at £15 another bagain NOT - have paid a further £25 in tapes for that. Plus bought my table and chairs for garden £160 and £300 on wardrobes for Keir and Olivia - the spending has to stop. I have specialist appointment tomorrow at the hospital - I hope - find out what is wrong with my leg - at long last - maybe.............leg isn't as painful today, but still having to use a crutch - physio tomorrow too. Looks like I shall be back at work by a week on Monday me thinks. i really don't want to go back - always so difficult when you've had time off - BUT I don't want to lose my job and need to get back to work now. Hope the leg continues to improve as it's been awful having a bad leg for 10 long long weeks.

Monday, 3 September 2012

Feeling cleansed - well kind of

Have gone through all my albums and chucked LO's which I didn't like and on top of that have done and update on my bookcase, so I know where everything is - OK it's only cardboard boxes but at least it's nice and tidy.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Feeling very sorry for my DD

She is very close to losing her BF - he is probably breaking up with her tonight, she doesn't want him to, but the last few weeks he's been distant and been away on a lads week away, hasn't been buying her little pressies like he used to, hasn't been staying over as often as he did - going out with mates more and more - telling her he was at work and that he didn't text her to tell her he wasn't at work because he throught she would be asleep. Lies and deceit - I hate that. I think he still loves her, but doesn't love her as much as she loves him. Tomorrow she will know, he said he needed tonight to do a lot of thinking, it doesn't sound good. I feel very sorry for her because she loves him to bits. AMENDED 4.9.12 - he's just being a shit and messing her about - I am so annoyed with him and she's allowing him to do what he likes with his mates and not treating her like he used to................I hope he changes, I don't normally get involved but I will this time because she don't deserve no shit.

Ive had a clearout ...................

& been through all my 12x12 albums ! thrown away some LO's - which to be fair i didn't particularly like when I finished them ............... some you never really like, and some I really probably hated but put in the album anyway. I do have a clearout every so often and have probably thrown away about 20 LO's over the years. There are a few more that I came very close to throwing out tonight but have kept and maybe will throw them away at my next clearout. We'll see. So now I feel cleansed..........and in need of doing a couple more LO's to start to refil my albums.

Saturday, 1 September 2012

A LO for Olivias Birthday

All my LO's these days are very samey - very basic, but at least I've got some kinda mojo back.

went to Slimming World - put 2.5lb's on........

really annoyed with myself..............I wasn't going to go and have a week holiday - but went for Olivias sake - wish I hadn't now. But at least I;m doing something about it.